Kate Soulier Diary

May 24, 2001

Yesterday my parents packed up their car with my things, and left Duke for the last time. Before they left we sat in my parking lot, outside my apartment, and attempted to run through all the typical cliches that are used when you try to talk yourself through an incredibly difficult experience. As my parents tried to be strong for me, I just sat there in a glazed over state and fought the lump in my throat and the tears in my eyes. All I could think about was the fact that in one day I had graduated from college and ended an athletic career.

I was overwhelmed, stunned and confused. As my mom left, she pulled me in for one last hug and whispered two simple statements into my ear that broke my trance. She said that days like this make you realize that in our lives we are given small opportunities to experience great things. And that because these special moments are sometimes unexpectedly brief we should enjoy them, and consider ourselves lucky to have even been given the opportunity to experience them.

Even though my heart ached, I knew my mom was right. I knew that I was lucky to have been able to spend four years with some of my best friends and play a game we all loved. I knew I was lucky because the tears that ran down my face were not from regret or anger, but sadness from the fact that my time had ended as a member of this team.

Words can not describe what it was like to be a member of this team. As I sit here I'm trying to find some way to convey what it is like to see one of your teammates on campus and stop for a quick joke or conversation. What it is like to stand shoulder to shoulder in a huddle and catch one of your teammates' eyes for a quick nod of encouragement and excitement. What it is like to sit on a bus and laugh about stories and inside jokes that only you and your teammates know. What it is like to score a goal and see the happiness in your teammates' eyes, and feel the pat on the back and the slap of your stick. What it is like to get a pep talk after getting yelled at in practice, or a hug after a hard game. What it is like to work together through all the struggles that inevitably appear during a season, and enjoy the successes that result from your teamwork. And lastly, what it is like to hear the final horn blow and know that all these moments just became memories.

For those of you that have experienced these moments you understand my loss for words. You understand that even though these moments might have seemed insignificant at the time, the level of happiness and comfort they brought had the power to cause deep and lasting impressions. You know the flashes of friendship and teamwork were the reasons that you ran during the summer, endured pre-seasons, woke up for morning practice and feared the day it would all come to a close. And then you get to my point, and you realize these moments are even stronger than you had first believed because of their power to forever bind and connect you to the teammates and experiences you loved.

Over four years I have experienced an incredible range of moments. I have laughed until my side hurt, and I have wept over disappointments and personal shortcomings. I have seen incredible athletic performances, and the growth of my teammates. I have built new friendships and said good-bye to old ones. And, I have screwed up, succeeded, fallen and won some amazing games. I will treasure these moments, and I wish I had more time to create new ones.

It is an incredible gift and privilege to be part of a team and play a sport at the college level. Over my four years I constantly had to pinch myself to make sure life had really placed me in this wonderful opportunity, and that the team I saw at practice everyday was really mine. I'm not going to lie, not everyday was wonderful, but I can honestly say I will miss the bad days just as much as the good. I will miss the days in the rain, the snow, the cold and the hot sun because those were the days that my teammates and I stood a little closer, and pushed each other a little harder.

There is a tremendous power and comfort with being a part of a team. It's like no matter how far away you go during the summer, or how bad you screw up on the field, your teammates will always love you, help you and fight along side you. I think this home and built in support system, that my four separate teams provided for me, will be the thing I will miss the most. It was an incredible experience to have 30 sisters, younger and older, and a couple of moms that made sure you were happy and staying out of trouble. I will miss being a part of this network, and the happiness it brought into my life.

Well, I guess it is time for me to close. Before I go I just want to thank my coaches and all my teammates...especially the ones this year. It has been an amazing senior year and I thank you all for coming out each day ready to work hard, and with a smile on your face. It has been an honor and a pleasure to be a part of your lives, and I wish everyone the best of luck with the their future choices and adventures. I'll never forget you and I will always carry a little Duke Lacrosse in my heart.

Love, Ruth

Duke information